Hello to you!
As I woke up this morning I was glad it was
Saturday. I slept in later of course and
still after waking up, lied in bed for a while…so good to rest! Finally I got up and started seeing around
me, oh yeahhh…PHEW… we’ve had the stomach flu this week in our family and I
haven’t done any household chores and so I soon came to realize all the many
things that I had to do from vacuuming and cleaning the floors to a pile of
laundry etc… now that I’m recovered let me do THAT :-S… I did go to work yesterday and so all
this kind of waited aside…
I saw on our bedroom floor a pair of craft-binoculars
my son did the other day completely smashed as ready for trash, but there it
was left on the floor. I saw a bucket in my daughter’s room and remembered the
stains from vomiting on her wall that I hadn’t seen at night to clean when she
got sick. And the floor, that should definitely be washed again…
And so, as I came down the stairs bringing a mattress
down with me and saw my daughter’s backpack and things lying in middle of the
hallway so it happened that I gave the morning greeting to my family with a
frustration of things here and there and so many things to do!! Argh!! I don’t
want this!...
My daughter took her things and I soon apologized to
her because it was not her fault we’d all been sick and there was so much to
do. I decided to calmly sit down and HAVE SOME COFFEE and then see about the
rest of the world. Or at least my home. Without another word. J
As drinking coffee, I was thinking how I hate the fact
of nagging to anyone about anything. I
don’t like to be constantly reminding others
about what they should do or remember. Of course I would like them to just
simply remember ;-)! It’s exhausting to
feel after a full week of work (or this week being sick) that there is a
Saturday to start with major cleaning when all you’d really like is to rest and
take it easy…in a nice clean home – a relaxing environment.
Sooo my frustration slowly did disappear as I came up
with a plan, something I’ve thought of sometime but haven’t really felt a
moment to do it. I got some paper and started writing things that are to do around
the house –let’s make this visible! I made a list for both of my kids listing
all the things I considered as house chores
they can manage – some of them being what they already do like my daughter
emptying the dishwasher or many times the kids taking out the trash together.
Then I started a general list of cleaning there is to do at home which I (or my
husband) generally take charge of.
Then when I got the lists done, I had a conversation
with my kids. I told them that I don’t like to be telling them all the time of
things they should be doing – as I’m sure that
they don’t enjoy being told all the time either. I explained them that
we all share this household so we all participate in keeping it nice for all of
us and not leaving trash on the floor or clothes or toys here and there. Okay,
it happens sometimes but it’s not good to get in to that kind of habits. I told them the things in the list and what I
expected of them and asked if they felt it is too much for them. Reply: nope! So both of them accepted their lists. I told
my kids it is really about seeing the traces all of us leave behind, and to
take some responsibility. As you get off
the table, you CAN learn to each time put your plate directly in the dishwasher
and so it’s not left to a one person to do all.
I said that one day they would also be adults and that
they cannot expect others to be cleaning after them all the time. They need to
become aware of things there are to do and to start taking more part in it and
that they should be proud about learning it. It can be fun too! I told them all
the things that were on “my“ list and
they started adding J :
Mom, it’s missing window washing etc…
True! I told I’d add to it and said they could ask to do things from my
list and that gradually in time they
would anyhow so that they’ll understand, know and learn what kinds of things
there is to do around the house.
So off we went for a good two hours of cleaning in
which I discovered my son to be very efficient when he knows what to do and my
daughter to be very thorough. My son was eager and helpful, trying to however
get away with little vacuuming of his room which I made him to do well – as he
then did with a smile as if thinking “I was just testing you.” I helped and encouraged and showed my
appreciation. My daughter I saw getting a bit carried away from time to time
and clearing her drawers and setting something on the shelve and looking how
does it look like this or this…J I
gently encouraged her to concentrate on the essential cleaning now and
discussed about what would that be...?
The closet and shelves could wait a while, we had to deal with the
things needing to be put back in their place and cleaning the floors etc.
Alongside I vacuumed everywhere else (the kids did their rooms), washed the
floors and toilets, did laundry and felt such JOY of the effort and attitude my
kids were showing and that I didn’t have to do all of it by myself. My son would finish one thing and come and
ask, what can I do next? What a great helper he was! We hunted for dust that he
enjoyed sweeping away. I got eager about seeing how my children grasp the
things they’re supposed to do and to help them to do things well.
As we were cleaning my husband had gone to do some
grocery shopping and he got back with soon ready lunch at the table as we were
just about to finish our “job” for the day.
Good teamwork! I told my kids that we were not gonna spend the whole day
cleaning, only a bit of it and it would go faster as we did it together and
then we could relax and enjoy other things.
As we sat together eating a good lunch I remembered
the morning and was so thankful how things had turned out. I was glad that I had
got off the ride of frustration. Quickly with looking at the bigger picture and
pausing myself to see different perspectives I realized that when we channel
things the right way there is a lot of good positive energy that comes out.
We had fun
cleaning the home and when we’d finish, we’d have fun in other things playing
and relaxing… We enjoyed eachother’s company and especially my son showed me
more affection than many other days as if not having learned only cleaning… <3
For long I’ve thought and held an objective to myself that I want to teach my
children well so that when they’re big they would not need to feel helpless in
this world. After all, we are not growing children but adults.
In this cleaning-operation I realized I haven’t done
my best in what I could give. I noticed that quite easily I make assumptions
that children know how to do this and that but really need more guidance. Just
as usually a new worker given any job is also given the introduction to that
work. Things don’t pass on to children
simply by telling them what to do but really by giving and being an example.
I spend my days working at a daycare- center and I
love to see the children grow and learn new things – I feel priviledged to be a
witness to that. Children are so real in everything they are be they upset,
sad, angry or happy. Sometimes I feel that it is so much easier working with
children than adults – because as adults for some reason we seem to grow more
complicated ;-). Wish it wasn’t so! Or what do you think? :-)
Anyhow, in my work with children I’ve defenitely grown
to learn that small things are BIG. A
little encouragement. A hug. A smile. Playing together. Keeping up the boundary
where the boundary should be even they try pushing it. Believing. Rejoicing. Being. Talking. Trusting. Expecting. Those small-big things create the invisible link between people
and as I hope in my work with the
children also that they start trusting the fact that as an adult I’m always on their side, even
when there is some tough lesson to learn. I’m there. I realize how important it
is that we also know to expect certain behavior from children and trust them
for that –at a age-appropriate time of course. If I find myself nagging about something
constantly, it means I’m not trusting the other to take responsibility of it.
Children
have a natural curiosity and interest to learn really anything – and given them
the opportunity to participate since small age allows them to learn skills that
at a later age they don’t necessarily hold the same interest anymore....? What we
give of ourselves to children is a seed that continues growing within them. Let’s
not forget what opportunities we have to love and to be loved by our own
children or those in our surroundings. Children often turn out to be also teachers of
adults. J I have had that sweet experience quite a few times.
I was already an adult when I really learned that
freedom comes through taking responsibility. Big or small, we are all students of life. Let’s
keep learning well and also teach the children with our hearts and to our best
knowledge. I know I am encouraged!
Love,Rina
