IN THE STILLNESS

Hello.

I'm yawning already so might be that these lines won't be many. I've decided to write even I don't really have anything specific in mind. As  I usually do, most often.

Sometimes it's good to be in silence. How rare is that? ! To not do anything, just be still and listen to stillness or all the sounds of life around you - but to be yourself quiet and still. Since being back at work and having got back to the everyday buzz of life, I realise I have less still moments.

At the same I have to make notice that I and my life has also changed. It's like I know to have gained another gear in life, something I didn't use to have. I can relax and rest, and find and choose small moments to cherish the quiet and stillness I need. I just need to make the shift to that gear and let myself stand on it for a while.

This winter we've had family breakfast in candlelight pretty much every morning. I'm so glad we have as a family a nice calm morning together even though we start heading for work 7-7.30 depending what time my shift starts. At 6.30 am we're at the breakfast table together with candle light enjoying  breakfast peacefully (of course one of us can be having cranky morning mood but it usually  melts away...) I'm so glad to have even time to take my children on my lap for a moment as they also wish to do so. It makes such a difference for the day - to start it peacefully.  It is precious to be able to start the day like that and now I can't really imagine it some other way. (to be fully honest, usually after the calm breakfast follows however a small rush of do we have all we need with us, get dressed etc.  and in the car ;-)  but after the calm I can tackle that)

 But I  do remember other kinds of mornings, where we'd all be in a rush and rushing to eat breakfast. Getting frustrated with the children because they were not already dressed up or didn't concentrate on eating but everything else...And believe me, I'm not one of those typical morning persons...

So this is a change that has occurred from a choice we've made to wake up early enough to have this time. I suppose that when we truly realise that something is good for us, we want to share it and make the necessary efforts so that this "good" can grow in our everyday life.   I know there are other "steps" I'd like to still make for myself but  I find myself not yet ready for them, and that too, I realise shall come in time... As I said, this breakfast-club of our family has took its place gradually, too.

Hmm. I guess I'm in the age of  REALLY wanting to implement good habits and changes for myself  that are meaningful for me, my body, mind and spirit. Everything within us is linked, intertwined, and it is a beautiful journey to see how different sceneries from our lives enfold and give new meaning as we dare to embrace them.

For years I  know to have been looking for answers from "others" or somewhere "outside" of myself, only to realise one time after another that the answers are hidden in my heart. Sometimes it seems to feel so hard to find  our needed strength, courage, wisdom or purpose from our hearts that we search it from others ... and are destined for disappointment because no one else can carry us the way we can, and only we can. All of us need to find our own wings, no matter how frail they be. All of us need to find our own strength in those given wings and the courage to open them and trust that there is a wind
to carry us on... And funny is, I feel so, that one thing leads to another, only in opening our wings do we sense the wind...

Time is precious and sometimes we can feel the pressure of not using our time wisely as if we are "wasting it" --- as we should be real active all the time!  At the same I realise as this weekend I have been forced to rest a bit more than regular, that floating on the couch or being in the stillness is so necessary for creativity and for the "good of our minds".  - If someone speaks, another has to be quiet in order to listen and hear what the other one says. We all know this! And we all know how hard it is also sometimes to just listen fully to another and not start speaking over others, as where we stop "hearing" them and their message.

We all hold an inner voice within us and if we don't quiet ourselves, we can't hear it because we're being busy talking and doing over it thousand little things...and then we wonder how we feel so lost and puzzled all of a sudden... For someone who is used to doing something all the time, it can be immensely hard to quiet down and be even alone, or in silence.  As a teenager and young adult I always had the music on when I was at home. At one point I tried to get out of that habit to have more space for my own thoughts and it was not easy at all to make that change, when I was used to  the constant company of music. When I gradually found silence and myself in it, I started to hear and listen everything in a bit different way - not as some record playing but listening to what it is trying to
bring over to me. All of a sudden, also some of  the music I had listened to  got out of my shelve  because I realised the message in them was empty for me.

In this journey there was also a time I  went out on a "date" with myself somewhere, fixed it on my calendar. Out for a café, library, art-exhibition ... as in to have time on my own and think about what I wanted, take myself somewhere that was interesting for me... That was intrestesting experience but at the same it was hard to really keep it up as something as important. Easily if something else came up, I'd give up my own date. Also, many times I found myself wishing for other company as if it was tiring to be with myself or ho-ho, I wasn't that fun of a company to myself as I could be to someone else... ;-)

Stillness and quiet is something I know I need  and hope to implement in my life in different ways. We can be still and quiet even in a crowded café and that is really interesting. I also used to sit in cafés and write those hand-written letters. I find it also telling much of relationships if we are able to be comfortably quiet and still with another, not needing to fill each empty space with some word or blaa-blaa...

What has thrilled me is that with our morning candlelight winter-breakfasts it has been in the beginnning always me who lit the candles. Now there's been mornings I've been surprised with candles already lit, as my husband has also started to light them. Small gestures are sometimes really big, they light up the whole room.

I wish you a beautiful day today and some time and place in stillness and quiet for yourself.

<3 Rina

THOUGHTS OF A NEW YEAR

I’ve started the New Year 2012 with a realization that I haven’t really ever managed to fulfill my new year’s resolutions. So this year I’m making none! Instead, I’ve found myself still on vacation, cleaning up closets and putting away things that have annoyed me in the more busy everyday life…

I’ve cleaned up my closet, but did not manage to put away as many clothes I thought I would.  In case a 10^th of January resolution would hit me and I’d shrink a little in my physical existence I might have use for some of that clothing… I was at the store yesterday and passed the candy aisle (did you read that, I p-a-s-s-e-d it!) and thought there should really be a “hooray- you’re a winner!”-sound for all those who do! I felt a little tempted to park there and start doing that myself for others but well – hmm - maybe I’ll pass, this time… Whoa. And an alarm in my closet would also be helpful the moment I let something lying around instead of putting it in place and my closet transforming to a view comparable to that of the tumble dryer. Why is it so hard to get myself to grow up and change my behavior in some things? Haven’t I changed at all?

So it is that something always happens at this time of the year. Without necessarily really planning it, we ask ourselves what was last year all about and what we hope for the coming year…

But I’m starting to think that hoping doesn’t really work.

 An add got glued to my mind yesterday: “If you take it light, you can take it light!” Of course that was some commercial for dieting - oh, how many of us feel that we’ve really enjoyed the holiday season? I don’t want to feel guilty for all the chocolate and other delicacies like the grand plateau of French cheese I’ve enjoyed! I definitely enjoyed it and I’m not planning on feeling guilty about it now.  
“Take it light so you can take it light” is almost an anointing phrase. Gee. Yes! That goes for so many issues! Of course life is often everything but light. But at the same we are not being good to ourselves when we add the weight on our shoulders with our own accusations and putting pressure about  x amount of issues.

As trying to make some closets “lighter” I found myself not taking that job at all lightly. “Oh, how can I get rid of this, it reminds me of…  “ and this way of thinking really didn’t help me letting go of things I haven’t taken a glimpse of in the whole past year. Whoa. Why do I carry things with me I really don’t need? Things that really get me upset when I’m looking for a spot to store something more necessary. Everywhere we seem to be bombarded with commercials, adds of new trends and tempted to material that neither we or our home really needs… Everywhere we seem to be bombarded with opinions, views and different approaches of life we “should” adopt… but that really aren’t worth the big speech?

Throughout history it is actions that have spoken. And so it is also this year. I don’t want to take myself, others or life lightly but at the same I do.  The view to the distant mountains of solid peace doesn’t get any closer if I don’t let myself breathe deeper and live lighter. Breathe deeper and live lighter.

I shall find the journey towards.

All the best to you all for this start of the new year,

<3 Rina 

PS.
At this point I feel like sharing a little bit of  the picture of me below, another picture of empowerment - taken about hmm three years ago - wanting to express: MY BURDEN IS LIGHT...

There has been times indeed when I've felt like I'm pulling a heavy wagon and to be able to let go of burdens and finding inner strength pushed me towards this picture I wanted to be taken of me - as a reminder and declaration to myself - yes, my burden IS light, I feel it, I know it...

At the same, I know this is a challenge I face every day I get up, not something I own for the rest of my life. Issues change... We do change. We can learn and we learn so much. It is only looking back we realise how much. It is only in looking forward we can let go.