Sometimes it is hard to return to something after having a pause... as I have from this blog and writing.
It is so necessary for us though to have times at a distance from what we are used to doing or we never gain new perpectives.
At the same I think I have not even got used to doing this blog, that I want to keep up...and really, writing. Why is it hard sometimes? It's not really hard to say hello on a keyboard is it... this is not the first time I'm thinking about this -- a blank paper, be it a paper or a canvas or a space in your heart or in a room... SOOOO many times before entering a blank paper by writing I have this quick whisper in my heart as WHAT WILL IT BE!!?? And if you're having a bad day or lacking confidence in what you're about to do or don't have any idea of a starting point... well, it may well be that you just quit right there because the uncertainty of the outcome burns you down. But we're not supposed to know everything in order to experience, are we!?!
We are all born to LIVE. We don't ask ourselves how do I breathe in and out (unless taking voice lessons), it just happens! And of course there needs to be plans and structures when we do things but SO OFTEN I feel we get merely handicapped by all those structures and our creativity loses its colors.
Hmph. What do you say to all of this?
Last time I wrote there was a column of mine published in a finnish magazine called Kotivinkki. I was encouraged and discouraged. Encouraged because it got published, discouraged the moment I read it in the magazine because they had taken parts of my text out and to me it didn't feel the same, as if something was missing, as if it was not fully mine even it was. Of course I quickly understood (after some tears, storm and calming down ;-D) that this is how it goes, certainly I already sent them a text that was tooo long and they did what is supposed to be done - cut it in form that the content and message still remains. My message remained, so I didn't really lose anything. Really, I didn't.
I even got a lesson.. Even a couple of them... so this is the way it goes so I better be prepared and well, I have to own my writing, not to ask myself WHAT WILL IT BE? Am I going to be a writer or not?!? It is no guestion of such sort. I AM already just like you are. It is in being that we become, learn, mature, grow... towards our dreams.
Does that sound complicated? Of course I feel almost forced to say now that I don't mean I could really be a writer as I kind of battle with that at times.... But that's the thing! In order to be something, we need to own it! It's like we are given a gift and we refuse to own it. Because in using anything we are given we become responsible, we become more vulnerable.
I don't know if what I write is really interesting but I know I love to do it.
Only I make the doing for myself harder as I start thinking - I'm not concentrated! I lack direction in my text! I'm going here and there and how is anyone supposed to follow me? And so instead of just going ahead I'm blaming that there's something wrong with this inner machine of mine, because I can't admit that well, being me is enough, and good enough. I say all the possible accusations towards myself before anyone else does and on the journey start believing some of them.
There is another text that I sent to some other magazines that we're intrested of my writing but that it didn't fit in their magazine unless I cut it smaller and take out some of the topics...because as being me, well, I am able to put this and that and that and that together. And often I think it is fine.
So it seems I need to learn. Keep learning. And sometimes I lack patience for that. It's like I have so many things I'd like to say and write but I don't know how to make the beginning meet the end in a way that it would also cross the hearts of people I wish give some thinking.
So here it is and here I am. And for sure, I'll keep writing be there someone who hears or not. I know after all I am my most important reader.
Who want's to dance, let them dance. Who wants to paint, paint! Who wants to sing, I will sing with them! There are so many things within us that we don't turn to... because all the obstacles we make ourselves. Often I am my biggest obstacle.
A few days ago I read this text on Pinterest (and oh, have I also become pinterested, I have!) :
THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT
So let's all water our own gardens and let us grow to the things that hum in our hearts the tune we are supposed to sing and live in our lives.
BE THERE- in your moments and the one life you have.
I promise to be in mine. To remain true to myself. To be, because it is in being that I become who I want to be. Me.
<3 Rina
Here's a few pictures I took this summer in Paris... different ways of being along the river Seine
