"Who has peace, asks for nothing else"

It is a still moment. I can see the light of the sun reflected on the trees of the forest next to our home. There is some snow but much has melted away and the light in the trees feels like a promise of summer. My kids are playing upstairs and I'm by myself at the kitchen table. It's been a long and even quite exhausting day but for some reason I don't feel the exhaustion anymore.

I'm glad. Simply glad. But in a very quiet and subtle way.

To be here and to have arrived at this point in my life. I guess it is the peace. Again I remember a quote from someone: The one who has peace, asks for nothing else. To have peace is something wonderful, rest for our souls.

Of course I'm reminded of yesterday - ha! - wasn't that peaceful. Even my son said to me "Mom, you seem to be on a bad temper!" as I was cleaning up the house. I was upset and frustrated then, not at all at peace with myself and well, then again I wrote. But somewhere else in a diary. You see, I hate not to have peace and I can't bare myself very long when I get off my core. I have to force myself to deal with it in order to restore my balance.

I've learned that I have to stop and let it come out what ever is bothering me in order to deal with it. Many times I don't know what's wrong, I just feel it in some way. It's quite simple. Just like if we are feeling sick in our stomach, feeling that maybe we're getting ill, most of us would not go running or doing something to make us feel even more sick., but rather give ourselves a rest. I'm sure all of us want to stay in good health.

When it comes to our minds, it often seems more complicated, doesn't it.  We are not taught to scan our minds or feelings on a regular basis in order to make our own inner weather report. Often we go with the flow and only when we're jammed in our minds like in a traffic jam, only then we start really asking:  how am I doing really? Why am I feeling this way? And slowly we recognize something, perhaps some big guestion of our hearts trying to hide behind the bushes as if we were trying to fool ourselves of something.

I can't fool myself anymore. Believe me, there was a time I tried to fool myself  - for years, with nothing good in view. Bluntly said it's trying to escape from yourself constantly or on a regular basis and acting as if everything was fine - as much as you think you're fine when you are not. And as you lie to yourself, you lie to your surrounding and more and more energy is used to keep up walls that have no ground.

And that is sad. I wonder why as humans we quite easily start doing that? Are we so afraid of shame, is that how this world is now? Is it that people really care to be with us for the parties but not or the days of sorrow and trial.  What is your experience?

To speak the truth means freedom.  Another quote of someone I've learned (one of my favourites):
To tell the truth, you only need to tell it once. To lie, you have to lie many times (in order to keep up the lie). Think about that for a moment...

Peace is the treasure we find when we give ourselves to truth.

It is true yesterday I was off core and restless, but it is also true that I didn't lose myself in it..
Peace ís  the harbor of our souls to which we (can) always come home to. Yesterday I kept writing until I figured out the things that annoyed and puzzled me. As soon as I managed to name them, I had peace - even nothing had changed the matter and it puzzles me as much as yesterday but I'm at peace about it. It is not a matter of figuring out everything but admitting and receiving your real inner state where you find peace - because you are being truthful with yourself. And once some suitcase of inner travels is tagged with a name it's sure much easier to handle it and start "unpacking" it as you've owned it...Let's see, what's really in here! Often we think it's one thing, but in real there's many times also something else underground if we just look.

I know my peace could be larger, but it has also grown over the years and as I have given myself for the truth in me.  In it I can rest and it makes me glad, as seeing the sunlight rest on the skin of the trees. Nothing has changed the trees, they are still the same. Only the light in which they stand makes them different...


...Again, I could continue. But it's really time I go to sleep. Even the sun has gone.  Good night to you all out there. Sleep well and do rest to find and keep peace.

Love from Rina