This is where I stand now

Hello...

It's a rainy day, friday. The winter is starting to lose last of its signs in the nature. The forest looks quite pale today. I'm waiting for it to bring forth the thousand tones of green... oh, the beauty of Spring when it arrives fully! I hope we get to bathe in the sunlight with the growing grass and flowerbuds that are waiting to pop out from the ground.

I don't really have anything to say.

Do you?

And then again, I always do...eventually. ;-)

I've got myself pretty occupied these past few months. Then, just some days ago I paused in a way that used to be my 'livingroom´, just looking outside, listening to the sounds that come from nature or our surrounding. My thoughts going easily back and forth like waves perhaps reaching new shores, perhaps not.

I've realised how my life is full of activity that doesn't often help my creative mind but blocks it. I need b-e-i-n-g like we all do. At the same I've made a notice of myself that I've lost some of that easy being I used to reach and know with less effort. Now there's a long list of things that I feel I have to go through in my mind as to let go in order to just be able - to rest my mind.

But  as making this notice I find myself trying to make more empty space in me for breathing and relaxation. At the same it's funny that even today I found myself getting grumpy about things that are lying around the house, too many THINGS and I wished I had a HUGE VACUUM I could throw them into and then just breathe Oooh, that looks better! :-D

We people (or should I just talk about me? ;-) get attached to things and then realize owning something is not the thing that brings forth that what we really need inside. I have the struggle of needing to create things and getting bunch of ideas from different materials and then I end up with some things that I have no use of afterwards - and unfortunately I don't throw things out fast enough. When we let things be, we somehow grow blind to them until it is removed and we see the difference and wonder, how in the world could I live or breathe that way?

I'm dreaming of simplicity. In my mind. In my body. In my home. And I know of myself that as I dream something I do start moving towards that goal - even though there are times I feel I'm moving one step ahead and then two back again. But even then, in all that frustration and turmoil of mixed feelings I think we get to know who we are - and start slowly changing our position -as in standing more solidly. Standing and not wavering. The trees have roots and in our forest there are some really tall ones that stand tall, unwavering even in the storm. They know who they are.

Maybe slowly I'm figuring out a new layer of myself as in an oignon (hmm, I think I just wrote that word in french -or is it the same in english -but can't get surely the english in my head now :-D)....

I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, I'm just making conversation with myself and you, whom I imagine to be there - and here.

Ha, I also think I have yet to find a true philosopher friend... If you're the one, please register! ;-)

And so again, I got carried off from the topic. Oui, ca c'est moi!

 For a few days I've been thinking if I should start yet another (3rd) blog, for writing in finnish. I've got myself the courage this spring to call to several magazines to offer my columns and writing but so far I've been rejected everywhere. They always say that we have fixed columnists for a long time now... Today I called the local newspaper and he said the same but then grew curious about what I write and so I proposed to send him a few, as I've done for many others too. We'll see.
At the same I'm not discouraged, I'm glad I've grown more accustomed to making the effort (it took me so loooong to contact the first one) and I believe at some point I'll find my spot...
-but actually that's what I also started to think that maybe I have to start MAKING my spot first in the form of a new blog to give arena to my thoughts and writing. We'll see! The writing course I have has been continuosly encouraging for me and ta-daa, I'm happy about that!

OKAY.

The rain stopped now so I shall end here my mental gymnastics of the day, ha-ha...

***************************
I hope you are well inside out...
sometimes it's hard to be well....
but to be at least the best you can now

Let's stand tall
there where you are
here where I am
be it sunshine
or rain
let's stretch out our roots
and keep growing
***************************

Love,
Rina